On The Air

There were two possible outcomes to this season of The Apprentice: the safe, predictable one that was telegraphed from about twelve weeks ago, and the completely nutzoid balls-out awesome one. The awesome one would have involved Donald Trump professing his love for Frankie Suits on national television, and sending the other seventeen people to go live homeless on the streets of LA for one year. Frankie would have been crowned Perpetual Apprentice For All Time, and all the other previous Apprentices in the audience would have been fired too. And then, while tossing $10,000 bills into the audience, Trump would have realized that he and Frankie Suits are long-lost brothers. And not only that, but they also share the same birthmark on their butt cheek. It is discovered that these two birthmarks, when placed next to each other, are actually two halves of the map to the ancient lost treasure of the Aztecs. They set out on a whirlwind adventure around the world to hunt down the treasure, Trump is the stuffy billionaire who is never seen without his solid gold suitcase. Frank is the scruffy New Yorker who is able to talk his way out of any situation they get into. And is especially valuable when they get arrested in Morocco! At first they don’t get along, but as they progress through their fifteen-week search around the globe for the missing treasure, they come to realize how much they really need each other, and they learn the true meaning of friendship. Donald Trump realizes what is really important in the universe, and gives away all his money to an African orphanage. Frankie finally hits puberty and is made into a real boy. And together they teach all of America the value of love, teamwork and never giving up. When they find the treasure at the end, it’s not gold, and it’s not jewels. Instead they find out that what they were searching for was inside of them all along.

The boring, predictable ending is for Stefani to be made The Apprentice, because it was evident back in February that she was the only competent one out of the whole bunch of these jokers. I’ll let you guess which ending we actually saw tonight.