On The Air

A trip to Morocco for the Race, and a trip into Karlyn’s inner moral sanctum for us. It’s not pretty.

Episode links:
Miss Alli’s recap
TV Squad review
TV Guide review
Download the episode with BitTorrent

This week we’ve not only got the ghosts of David and Mary haunting us at the Pit Stop, but also Erwin and Godwin. The editors this year sure are in love with these black and white shots from earlier in the season. And they branch out even more this episode, showing not only the Ghosts of Racers Past, but also the Ghost of Kimberly Falling Off Her Horse Past, from way back in the second episode. Soon the show will be mostly made up of flashbacks, with contestants stopping in the middle of a Roadblock, rubbing their chin, and saying, “I remember it like it was yesterday…” as we dissolve to a black and white shot from three years ago. Oh jeez, maybe the editors are in training for the All Stars edition, and next spring we’re going to be treated to half a dozen black and white shots of the Guidos telling us they lived in Paris for two years. That would be awesome.

So anyway, on this leg the racers are off to Morocco. Which is totally cool because Dustin wrote a book report on it in college, so she is going to rock this leg. There are some wacky airport hijinx early on, including the Beauty Queens missing one of their connecting flights (I guess they should have written a paper on the Milan airport, too). But everything evens out in the end, and everyone winds up on the same flight to Ouarzazate and on the road to an antique shop. There they have to pick up a clue and a good luck charm, which is supposed to bring “good fortune” at the Pit Stop. I guess the producers realized how stupid it was to have everyone carrying gnomes around with them for the entire leg, so they chose something a little more indigenous and less conspicuous.

Also, not to ruin the surprise, but the “good fortune” turns out to be free cell phones. So maybe Moroccan good luck charms aren’t all that special.

This leg also features the not-so-triumphant return of the Yield. Now, I’ve never loved the Yield, because the Amazing Race is supposed to be about making your own way, about focusing just on yourself and your performance, and not worrying about the other teams. Giving contestants on the Amazing Race any kind of power over the other teams means that the show is slipping into Survivor and Big Brother territory, where the game is all about screwing over everyone else. For four seasons that kind of stuff was absent from the race, and then the Yield came along to ruin it.

The other thing about the Yield is that it’s rarely used right. As a strategic move, you should always try to Yield the team that’s at the back of the pack, or that you think will be the slowest and least able to recover from it. Because then you’ve got more of a guarantee that whoever you Yield will be coming in last because of it. Which sucks, but if you’re going to use it, you might as well use it right. But it’s never used that way. The Yield is always used for personal reasons, to punish a team that you don’t like or that you’re holding a grudge against. Or you have two teams racing for the Yield, each one vowing to use it on the other if they get there first. Even if they’re both at the head of the pack. So the Yield is usually used for personal reasons, which is both stupid and pointless because it rarely ends up affecting the outcome of the leg. It’s just an excuse to amplify the bitching and trash talking that’s already going on between two teams, and so it kind of sucks.

And so it was easy to see what was going to happen with this Yield. The fiercest rivalry in TAR 10 is between the Beauty Queens and Lyn and Karlyn, so it was pretty obvious that whichever of those teams got there first, they would use it on the other. And for a moment it looks like Lyn and Karlyn will be the ones to get it, because they had the most luck navigating the streets of Ouarzazate and made it to the antique shop first. But when we find out that the Yield is locked behind an “Hours of Operation” gate, it’s all over for them. And in fact, the next morning it’s a simple footrace to the Yield box, and it shakes out exactly like you’d expect it to: Tyler and James get there first, Lyn and Karlyn get there last. And it is, indeed, the Beauty Queens who use the Yield on the Alabama team.

And then things get ugly. Well, things are always ugly when the Yield is involved, that’s just the nature of it. But when the nastiness of the Yield is multiplied by the nastiness of Lyn and Karlyn (well, Karlyn, mostly), we end up reaching new heights of nasty. Karlyn just the night before was practically cackling with joy at the thought of being able to Yield someone. She started by saying, “It’s not an option of are we going to Yield anybody, it’s who are we going to Yield.” And then she segued into targeting Dustin and Kandice, saying, “We’ve been trying to slow ‘em up since the beginning of the Race.” So you’d think that someone who was so set on using the Yield herself, and on her closest rivals, would be a good sport if her rivals ended up using it on her. After all, it’s all fair gameplay, right? Well, here’s Karlyn at the Yield box: “I expected it, because it’s typical of something they would do. They’ve shown no character at all in this game. That’s on them to live with. They have to live with that.”

So let’s process this. Karlyn thinks it’s okay to manhandle the locals to stop them from helping another team. Karlyn thinks it’s okay to cut in line and steal a taxi from an unsuspecting bystander. Karlyn also thinks it’s okay to Yield Dustin and Kandice because the Beauty Queens are usually in the lead anyway. But now, now that’s she’s the one staring at the hourglass, now she gets morally outraged about the Yield, saying that using it shows that you have no character. That using it is a mark on their conscience that they’ve got to live with, and that it will keep them up at night. And she somehow tries to make herself look superior here, saying that she can sleep at night because she didn’t use the Yield. Even though she was going to use it first! Even though if she had gotten to that box first she would have slapped the picture of the Beauty Queens up there so fast, and she would have been laughing and gloating and saying “That’s what they get” the whole time. This isn’t just a double standard, this isn’t just hypocrisy, this is something new that I don’t think there’s a word for yet.

And then Karlyn flips off the Beauty Queens when they walk by. Fantastic. We could have had Bilal and Sa’eed in the final four. We could have had Vipul and Arti, or Kellie and Jamie, or Duke and Lauren, or Tom and Terry, or Peter and Sarah, or David and Mary, or god help us, even Erwin and Godwin in the final four. But we’ve got Karlyn, and watching her pull this shit week after week is souring the whole race for me.

Anyway, while Karlyn is working herself into an alternate moral universe where only half of the Golden Rule seems to have been translated, the other teams are hitting the Roadblock. And the Roadblock this week is chariot racing, which is exciting when Charleton Heston is doing it but a little less so when it’s Dustin. The idea is to race around the track twice and grab a colored flag each time, and the best part is when a chariot full of stunt men disintegrates and everyone thinks that maybe Rob has fallen on his head. But Rob hasn’t fallen down, he’s actually finished first, and he and Kimberly get the clue to drive 22 miles across the desert. They set out ahead of the rest of the teams, but their bad car karma comes back to haunt them, and gives them a flat tire. Rob goes to change the tire, and first he can’t find the jack. Then he finds the jack, but he can’t get it out of its cubby. And then things get so bad that apparently they need two other cars to stop and help them, and it takes them so long that all the other teams have time to pass them by, drive to the town of Idelssan, get the clue, and then come back and pass them by again. So while Rob is having a meltdown and getting about eight people to help him change a flat tire, the other teams are on their way to the Detour.

The Detour isn’t very exciting, it’s just a choice between crushing grapes with a large rock or making clay pots. Everyone saw that making clay pots was a task on The Amazing Race Asia just a couple of weeks ago, so they decide to do the grapes instead. But Dustin and Kandice miss their turn, so they actually arrive at the Detour last, behind even Rob and Kim. And there are only three rocks available, so the Beauty Queens have to stand around and wait for someone to finish.

Tyler and James are the first out of there, followed closely by Lyn and Karlyn. Karlyn, you won’t be surprised to hear, is thrilled that the Beauty Queens have fallen behind. Tsk, tsk. How does she sleep at night? The Addict/Models make it to the Pit Stop first, and are halfway to the mat before they realize they’ve forgotten their good luck charm in the car. So they have to run back and get it, and in that small amount of time Lyn and Karlyn show up and and start running for the mat. So for a moment it looks like the Alabama girls might come in first place. But once the boys get their charm, they easily smoke the girls in the footrace to the mat.

It’s also at this moment that we have the triumphant return of “Phil Points At The Horizon”. Oh, how I’ve missed you. I think this is the first time all season he’s done that. Easily the best part of the episode, right there.

So Tyler and James are in first place, and their magical good luck charm gets them each a free cell phone. Which I could get by walking to my Cingular store, so I’m not feeling the excitement. Lyn and Karlyn are second, Rob and Kim third, and the Beauty Queens come in last. But Phil puts in an extra-long pause in the middle of his sentence, so we know they’re safe. And indeed, the final non-elimination of the season has gone to Dustin and Kandice. So they’re still in the race, but marked for elimination.

Next week: instead of giving us a two-hour finale like they usually do, CBS is splitting Legs 12 and 13 into two regular hour-long episodes. Screw you too, CBS. Also: tomato throwing. At Rob and Kimberly. Awesome.