On The Air

Mud and mines, AOL and party trains. Just another day in Finland.

Episode links:
Miss Alli’s recap
TV Squad review
TV Guide review
Download the episode with BitTorrent

Previously on The Amazing Race: The crowded marketplaces of Madagascar were too much for David and Mary. If only there was a task inside a coal mine…

Currently on The Amazing Race: We’re in the winter of the Race now. Only five teams left, none of them really worth rooting for. I’ll keep watching, of course, because I watch no matter how dark it gets. If I survived the Family Edition, I can survive anything.

We start out by giving the teams spoon-fed airplane tickets out of Madagascar. This is done because flights are limited. But not limited enough. I guess, because none of the teams take the tickets they were given, and find faster flights instead. They’re given a flight that doesn’t leave until after 9pm, but all the teams get onto a 5am flight to Johannesburg, South Africa. They take this flight because, as Rob says, “We just gotta get out of this airport.” There’s a slogan for the Tourist Board: Madagascar - You Just Gotta Get Out of Here. Plus, that’s not always the best reason to take a flight. David and Jeff in Season 4 thought they could get a faster flight at a different airport, and ended up like three days behind everyone else. Fortunately these teams seem to do a little research before just hopping on the first plane, and they end up just squeaking onto the flight at the last minute. Lyn and Karlyn actually end up getting on a little bit after the last minute, because the ticket agents don’t want to let them on. It takes intervention from a mysterious supervisor to get them on the plane. I don’t smell foul play, though, because I think at this point the producers don’t want Lyn and Karlyn to have any advantage. They’d probably prefer they were left behind in Madagascar.

And through all of this, everyone seems to be wearing David and Mary’s clothes. The Cho brothers have their “Friends in Low Places” shirts on, and Karlyn is wearing Dave’s hat. We even see a brief black and white shot of Team Kentucky as we’re leaving the pit stop, like the ghosts of David and Mary are watching over them. It could be that everyone’s wearing their clothes for luck, but I don’t think I’d want to carry that particular brand of luck with me around the world.

The Amazing Yellow Line gets quite the workout this week, as we see flights go from Madagascar to Johannesburg, then to Addis Ababa, Frankfurt, and Helsinki. Finally we’re in Finland, and teams are hopping into taxis heading to a coffee shop. And at that coffee shop, the show’s sordid relationship with AOL is highlighted again as teams have to find a laptop, log into AOL, and watch a video message from home. Since everyone here is young and single, all the messages are being delivered by moms and sisters. The only exception seems to be Lyn and Karlyn’s kids (with the requisite waterworks, of course), and Erwin’s big-eyed girlfriend.

Their next clue puts them on a 125-mile train ride to the city of Tampere, giving Tyler and James and the Blondes plenty of time to bond over hair care and moisturizer. Those two teams are the first off the train, and seem to get the only two available taxis. Everyone else has to wait in line at a taxi stand, and examining how the teams deal with this situation reveals a lot about their personalities and the way they’re running the race.

Rob and Kimberly go up to the people in line and ask if they can cut in front. The people agree, so they get in a cab fairly quickly. Analysis? They’re aggressive, but know when to be polite.

The Cho Brothers take their place in the back of the line and have to wait an eternity for a cab. Analysis? They’re pushovers.

Lyn and Karlyn say, “Forget the line, let’s jump.” They then barge their way to the front of the line, over the protests of the “innocent bystanders” that are already waiting there. Then when a cab pulls up they rush ahead and actually push a businessman out of the way to steal his cab. Jesus. Do we have to go over this again? Don’t manhandle the locals. It’s true in Kuwait, it’s true in Finland. It should be true in Alabama. They want their kids to be proud of them, but they are doing so many things that will make them cringe in embarrassment instead, you know? Analysis? They’re asshats. They need to shut up now.

The Cho Brothers say, “Being polite sucks sometimes.” But being Lyn and Karlyn sucks all the time, so you’ve got an advantage there.

The two lead teams reach the Detour, and find out that there’s not much of a choice this week. You pretty much have to decide if you want to walk through a muddy swamp with or without skis on. The pros and cons here seem to be that if you master the skis you can do it quickly, but if you don’t master the skis you’re going to be falling down a lot. And if you choose the no-skis option you have to swing across ropes and carry each other and crawl and stuff like that. Whatever. The best part of this whole sequence is that Phil’s actually put on the hip waders and is standing in waist-high mud while he’s describing the tasks. And he’s got this beefy Finn slogging through the mud right next to him. It must be so much fun to be part of Phil’s entourage.

So the mud is muddy, and some people get stuck, and everyone gets dirty as hell. And then they get back in the taxis, which I’m sure the cab drivers really appreciated. Tyler and James at least have the courtesy to change their clothes first, but it gets them nothing but ridicule from the other teams. They should have gotten a free fare for that.

Next it’s back on the train to Turku, and this time not everyone makes it on the same train. Tyler and James and the Blondes get out ahead of everyone, and Rob and Kimberly miss the train by seconds and have to wait for the next one, an hour later. At the other end of the train ride waits the Tytyri Limestone Mine. So once again we’ve got a task that seems custom made for one team (David and Mary), but it doesn’t come until the leg after they’re eliminated. Kind of like how Ironman swimmers Peter and Sarah never got to swim to the boat in Mauritius.

On the train, the Cho Brothers are asking a local for help when he reveals to them that he’s a miner himself. So now, not only do they have someone to lead them where they’re going, they’ve found a replacement David and Mary too! The guy even has an chubby wife. Bonus! They bow down to his greatness.

Also on the train, forgetting that they’re supposed to have shut up by now, Lyn makes an “announcement” to the “party train” that Rob and Kimberly are not their friends. WTF? The party train? And Rob and Kim are not invited? Oh, the horrors. Karlyn even seals the deal: “No party train with them.” She’s pretty adamant about this. There must have been some good mushrooms in that swamp; this train doesn’t seem nearly festive enough to be called the party train.

The Roadblock at the mine turns out not to involve much actual mining, but it does involve underground bike riding in the dark. What a wonderfully random addition to the task. Even better, the bicycles seem to be standard equipment inside this particular mine. Awesome. I can totally see David being jealous about the bicycles. Anyway, one team member has to ride the bike downhill, pick up a rock, and then ride back up. This is a steep hill, though, so there’s not a lot of riding on the return trip. It’s mostly just pushing a bike with a big rock strapped to it. I guess this is what we’ve come to: after ten years, they’re so out of ideas that we’re literally rolling rocks uphill.

After they get back with the rock, they have to use the provided tools (including a “pokey-thing”, according to Dustin) to break it open. “It’s hammer time!” says James. That’s allowable once, but then he says it twice so he gets a technical foul. They get a clue to go to the Olympic Stadium, and take off.

Meanwhile the party train has arrived, and the Six Pack (Minus Two), makes it to the bottom of the mine. Rob must still be rattled over being shunned from the party train, though, because he’s driving around in circles and at one point tries to actually drive their Mercedes into one of the mine entrances. Kimberly wisely stops him from making that particular mistake. They finally find their way, and all three of the trailing teams finish the Roadblock at the same time.

Meanwhile, at the Olympic Stadium, Tyler and James are getting lost again. It’s a good thing they’re good at some parts of the Race, because they do get lost an awful lot. But they have enough of a lead that they still find the clue first, and are told that the task involves rappelling face-first down the side of a 236-foot tower. Tyler is into it, but James isn’t so much. They both have to do it, though. Time to Face Your Fears and Get It Done, guys. Just think of the tower as a giant crack pipe.

Dustin and Kandice aren’t far behind, and then as James is hitting the ground the party train and Rob and Kim are showing up. But while we’re watching those three teams freak out and run around frantically, because they think it’s a Pit Stop, Tyler and James are getting a clue. And the clue says that this isn’t a Pit Stop, it’s actually a double leg. That’s right, the racers are still racing, and we go into the credits with a To Be Continued. Gotta stretch this thing out until December!

Next week: Tanks! The party train breaks up! And, presumably, my rapidly dwindling patience with all these people is tested even further.